This morning I woke up very early to start off the month of October with the sunrise. I don’t normally get up that early, I suffer from insomnia, but this morning was special, and important. Last October, I was a mess. I was supposed to still be pregnant. I had only lost Tzeitel 5 months before, and could not bring myself to do anything as organized as 31 days of photos. This year is different. This year it is my job, as Tzeitel’s mama, to bring awareness, to speak out for her, and to share my feelings with others, so that others know they aren’t alone, and so that others who aren’t in our shoes, can better understand.
I got up shortly before 7, got dressed, got my camera and gear together, and started walking. I don’t normally do sunrise photography, only sunsets. I have lots of places that I can shoot sunsets… I really didn’t know where to begin for sunrises. As I started walking (hubby had the car at work), every vantage point I had, had power lines and stoplights in it. So I just kept walking. Finally I got to the site of Joplin High School, where the one was that was destroyed by the tornado, and where the new one is being built. I thought it was fitting to begin Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month, among new growth, among a city rising from the ashes.
As I was getting ready for the sun to rise, I noticed a couple of jet streams across the sky, just above the rising sun. After capturing them, I noticed that you could see the reflection of the sun in the cloud-like flow that was left behind. How fitting. The jets were gone, the sun was just emerging, and yet, they still touched each other.
As I started to pack up and leave, I noticed this bush, with beautiful pink flowers, glowing in the radiance of the sun’s glow. I had to stop to take it in.
Father God, I thank you for the time I had with my precious girl. I praise You for she was fearfully and wonderfully made, in Your image. Father, I will never understand the reason she had to go away so soon, but I am so thankful for the journey You’ve had me on since then. For all of the lives that have touched mine, and the lives I’ve touched, for the babies I’ve been able to help honor and remember, for the ministry I’ve started, and the witness You have given me. None of this would be possible without You. Father, I pray that over the course of this month, I might be a witness to the healing You have brought to my broken heart, and to our family. I pray that I might be able to bring awareness to how much life means to You, and how much it should mean to everyone. Every life is precious, no matter how short or long. Thank you Father. Amen.