Baby Showers…

I have always loved baby showers, as long as I can remember. The games, the decorations, the cute little items for the awaited baby. I never got to have a baby shower for Tzeitel, she was gone too soon for that. I haven’t been to one since she went to Heaven, I just hadn’t been invited to any. I honestly wasn’t really sure I was ready for one.

This morning, at church, was a baby shower combined with the fellowship meal. My first baby shower, since Tzeitel, and it was for a girl. I did well at first, seeing all the little pink bottles, table cloths and even napkins that said “Baby Shower”. The table full of gifts sent a twinge to my heart. I waited to see how I would do. We ate, and then it was time for them to open gifts. I sat politely, watching, and systematically holding my phone in my lap, texting friends for support. Thankfully the friend who’d given us a ride to church that morning wanted to leave early, so we didn’t stay for the whole thing. I felt so torn, like there was something wrong with me. I was so excited for them, they’d waited so long for this baby, and this is their rainbow, so how could I not be excited for them? But on the other hand, I was so torn apart inside. I could never give these things to my precious baby. I could never celebrate her life in the same way.


One thought on “Baby Showers…

  1. My heart goes out to you, it makes my heart to see new babies or to see babies that are expected. I still have not gone to baby showers. I am sorry that you for going through this. Thank you for your transparency.

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